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ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
People who were adopted as older children (as opposed to infants) were often (not always) mistreated, abused or neglected in some way. This would affect them regardless of what came after.

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ORIGINAL: stampinlady

I'm just gonna jump in and say that I think some families should try to keep the baby in the family, imo. I'm not at all suggesting that outside adoption is wrong. Example: If my daughter or son were to have a child out of wedlock I wouldn't suggest adoption outside our family. I and dh would adopt the baby if possible or someone else in our family. I would also encourage my daughter or son to think about marriage and keep their babies, first and foremost. Sometimes, we act as thought teen pregnancy is the end of the world. It's not.

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ORIGINAL: heremainsfaithful

Every time there is a major criminal - like Jeffrey Dahmer - who is adopted, they really play it up. I don't know much about his home life or adoption circumstances, but who is to say he wouldn't have turned out that way anyway? When we do the adoption = oh THAT'S why she has problems equation, we do a disservice to all involved. I have done some stupid things in my life. I made those choices because of my sinful nature and lack of self-control, not because I am adopted. I have felt lonely in my life. It was because all my friends had dates and I didn't, or I was far away from home, or my marriage was struggling. It was not because I am adopted. Adoption describes how God placed my parents and me together....and that's it. It doesn't define/explain every facet of my life. Honestly, that line of thinking is offensive and discriminatory. The blood trumps everything mentality has always and will always bother me....because it isn't kind OR Biblical.

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ORIGINAL: Taffy_

Kudos to all of the Lioness' out there...... I wish I had one of ya for a mom

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However, I'm not sure that just because someone didn't abort means they care for their children

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And I am one who grew up feeling like I was abandoned and never quite got over that, which is why I am very hesitant to advocate adoption or sing it's praises.

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ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

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And I am one who grew up feeling like I was abandoned and never quite got over that, which is why I am very hesitant to advocate adoption or sing it's praises.

What alternative would have been better, Tink? Presuming that you could not stay in your birth family.

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ORIGINAL: EclecticJoy

My thoughts . . . not as outlined as I originally intended . . . but, at the moment, I'm time-pressed:


A lot of discussion have been posted about adults who have been adopted having big, long-standing issues.

Adults having issues stemming from childhood is not isolated to only adults who were adopted.
Chances are, if you are breathing (and regardless as to whether or not you were adopted), then you most likely have some issues. Some of them may have been healed and are no longer really issues; some of them may be dormant for long periods of time but periodically make their presence known; some of them may still be ongoing.

Life causes issues; adoption doesn't have the market on causing issues.



*~*~*~*~*
Speaking of issues . . . regardless whether it's over having been adopted or whether it's something else not even related to adoption . . . any one of us can choose to hold onto those issues, exacerbate them and allow them to shape our lives -OR- we can choose to give them to Our Lord and ask Him to cover them, heal us & grow us . . .and then believe in faith that He will do exactly that and then allow Our Lord to shape our lives.


It's a choice. Each individual has that choice; each individual has the freedom to make that choice.
Issues only have as much power over us as we permit.




*~*~*~*~*
For what it's worth (and as some of y'all may already know), not only am I a birth mom, I'm also an adoptee. I have both been adopted and have also placed a child for adoption. I have the unique and real privilege of experiencing both aspects.

The only side of the adoption triangle that I haven't experienced is that of adopting a child. I appreciate Lioness' input in this thread very much, because she can share from that perspective.


*~*~*~*~*
My birth mom wasn't mentally responsible nor emotionally stable.
In fact, very soon after I was born, she called her mom (my adoptive mom) and said, "If you don't come get these kids, I'm going to throw them away."

Her mom got on a plane as soon as possible.
When she arrived at my birth mom's apartment, she found it deserted . . . and then she found my brother and me in a closet.

That's probably as graphic as I need to be right now.



My adoptive mom (my birth mom's mother) was a very violent person.
That's probably as graphic as I need to be right now.



Issues???
Man, did I have issues!

But, again, as gently as I can say this, everyone has issues of some sorts to overcome . . . even the wonderful posters in this thread.

To quote a commercial, "Life's messy. Clean it up."

The way that Christians can clean up their lives is to give their lives entirely to Our Lord and to trust Him to heal the hurts and to trust that He will truly bring good out of what was meant to be harm.




*~*~*~*~*
Additionally, there ARE some very loving adoptive parents. Not everyone who is adopted is going to grow up feeling unloved and unwanted. heremainsfaithful proves this point by her story.



And . . . do please remember that not everyone who lives in their birth family is going to be blessed with loving parents.





We can spend our entire lives doing nothing out of fear of it causing ourselves or someone else "issues".
But, then, it that really living our lives or it it simply existing?

Regarding not adopting because that might cause issues for the adoptee . . . how is that a solution? I ask sincerely.



Our Lord promises us, over and over in His Word, that He is always here for us . . . here for us on a personal, intimate level. People are going to get hurt. But. HE is Our Healer; of all of our hurts.




Y'all be blessed.
Sharon-Marie

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ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

I however do feel that if people are going to adopt they need to understand that these feelings do come up and they need to be prepared in case they do.

I definitely agree!

But, being prepared to deal with such feelings is vastly different than not adopting in an attempt to avoid such potential feelings.



Let's take marriage, as another example.

Marriage is not all wine and roses. Issues are going to come up. Sometimes very serious ones.
Going into a marriage knowing this is good. Not getting married simply to avoid issues is not.

I could use myriad more examples.

Go into life with one's eyes wide open.
Don't fairytale life; life is not a fairytale.
Be prepared for the downs as much as looking forward to the ups.
Trying to avoid issues in life simply so that one doesn't have to go through issues is not living life; it is merely existing.

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ORIGINAL: EclecticJoy

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ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

I however do feel that if people are going to adopt they need to understand that these feelings do come up and they need to be prepared in case they do.

I definitely agree!

But, being prepared to deal with such feelings is vastly different than not adopting in an attempt to avoid such potential feelings.

Not sure if this is directed to me or not, but I never said don't...I believe I mentioned somewhere that I would be open to fostering and eventually adopting children after I marry should the L-rd direct me that way. I just think some people think that the child will be eternally grateful and have the "special" stigma and that's not always the case; just to be prepared in case it isn't.

_____________________________

Let freedom ring...let the whole world sing...it's independence day!!!!

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ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

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ORIGINAL: EclecticJoy

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ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

I however do feel that if people are going to adopt they need to understand that these feelings do come up and they need to be prepared in case they do.

I definitely agree!

But, being prepared to deal with such feelings is vastly different than not adopting in an attempt to avoid such potential feelings.

Not sure if this is directed to me or not, but I never said don't...

Aww c'mon, Tink. You know me better than that. No, it was not directed towards you. It is simply my general opinion on the matter.


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>>> Ps103's Chicken & Dumplings Recipe! <<<

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ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God

I absolutely agree that everyone has issues. Even healthy people who grew up in loving homes have issues. That's just the way life is in a fallen world. There are children born into situations where there really isn't a way to make sure they don't have issues. Take the girl who was found in the trunk of a car, for instance. She was too young to remember, I'm sure, but that is going to be something she's going to struggle with the rest of her life unless she's able to completely give that over to the Lord. To be rejected is one of the most painful things we can experience.

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ORIGINAL: EclecticJoy

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ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

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ORIGINAL: EclecticJoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

I however do feel that if people are going to adopt they need to understand that these feelings do come up and they need to be prepared in case they do.

I definitely agree!

But, being prepared to deal with such feelings is vastly different than not adopting in an attempt to avoid such potential feelings.

Not sure if this is directed to me or not, but I never said don't...

Aww c'mon, Tink. You know me better than that. No, it was not directed towards you. It is simply my general opinion on the matter.

I figured as much. Just clarifying should anyone else think differently.

*mwah!*

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Let freedom ring...let the whole world sing...it's independence day!!!!