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RE: Masturbation-women - 6/12/2009 8:59:47 PM
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Kath
Posts: 16186
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dboe
And to all the GENTLEMEN calling all the women out here, well, do your job guys, pony up and marry the women that way we would not have the problem, you know?????
Married women say they masturbate, so your comment makes no sense.
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RE: Masturbation-women - 6/13/2009 7:42:15 AM
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4evaFaithful
Posts: 1
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Ummmmmmm, personally I discovered masturbation by accident as a young teen. There was no lust or fantasies going through my head, just exploring my body and found something that felt... interesting. I masturbated occasionally until I married, and never found fantasies or anything like that particularly useful.
When I got married, my husband and I discussed masturbation, and decided that this kind of gratification should be a gift from one spouse to another inside the marriage bond, therefore not appropriate anymore.
I do not believe that masturbating outside of marriage was sinful as I was not fantasizing about anyone (often I thought about completely irrelevant things), no one else was involved in any way, and I was not using it as an addictive escape. It was even a little helpful, as when I married I could tell my husband what felt good.
My two cents
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RE: Masturbation-women - 6/13/2009 12:07:14 PM
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insaneforHim
Posts: 3
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 4evaFaithful
Ummmmmmm, personally I discovered masturbation by accident as a young teen. There was no lust or fantasies going through my head, just exploring my body and found something that felt... interesting. I masturbated occasionally until I married, and never found fantasies or anything like that particularly useful.
When I got married, my husband and I discussed masturbation, and decided that this kind of gratification should be a gift from one spouse to another inside the marriage bond, therefore not appropriate anymore.
I do not believe that masturbating outside of marriage was sinful as I was not fantasizing about anyone (often I thought about completely irrelevant things), no one else was involved in any way, and I was not using it as an addictive escape. It was even a little helpful, as when I married I could tell my husband what felt good.
My two cents
quote:
e that masturbating outside of marriage was sinful as I was not fantasizing about anyone (often I thought about completely irrelevant things), no one else was involved in any way, and I was not using it as an addictive escape. It was even a little helpful, as when I married I could tell my husband what felt good.
I actually discovered it by accident as well when I was young. It started off as just liking how it felt but when I got to be older, it became fantasizing.
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RE: Masturbation-women - 6/16/2009 1:46:44 AM
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dls9260
Posts: 3
Joined: 6/15/2009
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This is my first time on this forum and as a married women it helps to know that other women have issues too. This is a difficult thing to discuss, yet it helps those of us who need somewhere to go and get advise or help.
I've been married for 23 years and after the first five years, our sex life became a something of once every couple months and then it would last a few minutes. He stopped foreplay, or didn't even seem concerned for my benefit. It was something he did and was done. I asked for sex in so many different way and did alot of different things to get his attention. I gave oral sex with the hope that he would want to make love too. He would rather have oral sex than make love.
Because of the lack of sexual satisfaction I have masterbated after sex or with the affects of my cycle I would use it for a relief valve. A lot of times I don't think of anything, and if I do it is of my husband, not someone else.
I have read quite a few post and am amazed at the different responses. My walk with God is strong and I personally do not feel that I am committing a sin. Each of us must take responsibilty for herself and actions and if at anytime we feel guilty or ashamed, then the Spirit is telling us something and we should re evaluate.
I feel it is important that we all respect each others views to allow those of us who need to see that other women are struggling, and that we can find some way to communicate on the same level.
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RE: Masturbation-women - 6/16/2009 8:41:00 AM
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poetessfree
Posts: 286
Joined: 12/1/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dls9260
This is my first time on this forum and as a married women it helps to know that other women have issues too. This is a difficult thing to discuss, yet it helps those of us who need somewhere to go and get advise or help.
I've been married for 23 years and after the first five years, our sex life became a something of once every couple months and then it would last a few minutes. He stopped foreplay, or didn't even seem concerned for my benefit. It was something he did and was done. I asked for sex in so many different way and did alot of different things to get his attention. I gave oral sex with the hope that he would want to make love too. He would rather have oral sex than make love.
Because of the lack of sexual satisfaction I have masterbated after sex or with the affects of my cycle I would use it for a relief valve. A lot of times I don't think of anything, and if I do it is of my husband, not someone else.
I have read quite a few post and am amazed at the different responses. My walk with God is strong and I personally do not feel that I am committing a sin. Each of us must take responsibilty for herself and actions and if at anytime we feel guilty or ashamed, then the Spirit is telling us something and we should re evaluate.
I feel it is important that we all respect each others views to allow those of us who need to see that other women are struggling, and that we can find some way to communicate on the same level.
Welcome to the forum and peace in Jesus,
Thank you for your insightful comments. And also for bringing another side to this issue. And I agree totally.
God bless you and yours with His abundant favor,
_____________________________
"cute and cuddly boys" skipper
"Doctrine of Christ everywhere teaches self-denial and mortification of worldliness and sin...never makes the death of Christ a cloak to cover sin, but speaks of it as an instrument that destroys it". John Flavel
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RE: Masturbation-women - 7/2/2009 5:24:00 PM
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GrannyofSix
Posts: 13
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I've kinda been reading through this since I have been a member, but didn't write anything because....well....because I'm kinda disinterested I guess.
There was a time that I masturbated when I wasn't married. I didn't feel sinful and I know that I didn't think sinful thought. In my marriage, my husband loved to watch me and then he would "jump on" so to speak. It gave him a thrill. So I never really felt sinful about it at all.
So, I read the different comments with interest and then moved on. But this past week, I was talking with this man that I am dating casually. I had told him about this community of Forums because I knew that he would be interested in many topics like theology, books, exercise, and so on and so on. I happened to mention this OP when I was telling him what a variety of topics was here. Somehow we stayed on this subject. Thank goodness we were on the phone because he was very open about the subject.
He told me (now I realize this is under "Women Only") that he, as a man, has a need that his body demands attention or he gets very miserable. So about every 2 or 3 days, he takes care of his "physical and natural need" as he put it.
Now, he told me that his wife moved out of his bedroom the last ten years of their marriage, and he hadn't had sex during all that time. I assumed he meant that he hadn't been with another woman and also had abstained, but it never crossed my mind that he would masturbate a couple times a week.
We are both in our 60's. We are both devout Christians and I made it clear to begin with that there would not be sex - or even passionate kissing. Maybe just a friendly goodnight peck is all. Holding hands when we walk. Nothing more.
Now that he told me about his habit (I didn't ask and sure didn't want to know) it gives me a different feeling toward him. Actually I feel like he is a dirty old man and it grosses me out now to think about it. TMI, for sure!
I didn't know that he was going to be so open - I mean, you don't know ahead of time what somebody is going to tell you. But my impression of him as a Godly man has changed now. I view him as a man who pays more attention to the fleshly needs than my impression of a Godly man should do. I don't mean to sound like I am judging. I just had this idea and he busted my bubble, so to speak.
But it did get me to thinking why I feel different about a man doing it, than a woman doing it. One reason is obvious because a man has to do more physical stimulation than a woman does, and he admitted to fantasizing but I was afraid to ask him about who. The mental picture that I have of him now is a real "friendship killer". Yet, I honestly didn't feel it was sinful for myself or for other women. It just seems like a pretty bad thing for a man to do 2-3 times a week.
Maybe that's society, or maybe it's just me. But now that I have heard a man's viewpoint about this very sensitive subject, I am changing my mind about it. It seems pretty carnal to me now. I'm glad that I don't have the need so I don't have to struggle with it.
Does that make any sense to anybody? Do any of you women feel differently about a man masturbating than you do about yourself masturbating? (hope it's okay to ask that here).
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RE: Masturbation-women - 7/5/2009 4:55:48 PM
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joysfavour
Posts: 1
Joined: 7/5/2009
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hi all thnak you so much for your honesty and explanantions, its so good to speak to like minded women who are focused on God in their thinking. It helps me alot.
I have read some posts about whetehr masturbation is sin.
Years ago ( and after experiencing molestation) I was very confused with my own ADDICTION to masturbating. Like others on here I felt ashamed and tried to make sense of it but was always left feeling worse then before.
I have come to understand after much struggle that any sexual feeling, activity was started and finishes with Gods will for a husband and wife to enjoy. Not everything we feel is right for us but we have to identify and deal with those area that are dificult for us
I kind of see it like a journey you dont start on a road unless you intend a certain destination. Starting to stir up desires God planned for marriage only is like trespassing into areas that we dont belong in. I know the desire itself is natural but not for us at the point when we are single.
It is very difficult but I think being so honest with God and someone or people you trust really helps, practicing refocusing your mind and drawing from Gods presence really helped me.
Friends who have confided in me about the same issue were able to call when they were most tempted and I think it helps. I didnt really ahve anyone to talk to but desperately called on God when I felt I was falling down again and got through that time.
I really hope this helps someone who does feel they want help and i just wanted to share and let someone know you dont have to feel condemned and neither do you have to make try and justify it because you feel you cant stop. You can and I pray you will if you have the desire, take care xx
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RE: Masturbation-women - 7/20/2009 6:01:25 PM
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hjn
Posts: 1
Joined: 7/20/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dls9260
This is my first time on this forum and as a married women it helps to know that other women have issues too. This is a difficult thing to discuss, yet it helps those of us who need somewhere to go and get advise or help.
I've been married for 23 years and after the first five years, our sex life became a something of once every couple months and then it would last a few minutes. He stopped foreplay, or didn't even seem concerned for my benefit. It was something he did and was done. I asked for sex in so many different way and did alot of different things to get his attention. I gave oral sex with the hope that he would want to make love too. He would rather have oral sex than make love.
Because of the lack of sexual satisfaction I have masterbated after sex or with the affects of my cycle I would use it for a relief valve. A lot of times I don't think of anything, and if I do it is of my husband, not someone else.
I have read quite a few post and am amazed at the different responses. My walk with God is strong and I personally do not feel that I am committing a sin. Each of us must take responsibilty for herself and actions and if at anytime we feel guilty or ashamed, then the Spirit is telling us something and we should re evaluate.
Like yourself I am also new to the forums and I am also married. Although I haven't been married for close to as long as you have, I have been married for close on 2 years.
I have a good marriage and my husband and I do not have any serious problems. The one thing that has been somewhat of a problem for me is that my husband's "sex drive" is much lower than mine. It is not that he is unable to function sexually, nor does he have a problem with desire, he just doesn't "need" sex or necessarily think about initiating sex as often as I do.
I am not sure if anyone else can identify with this - as many have stated women do not seem as open to discuss such topics.
My husband is aware of how I feel and what I want/"need". However, it is not always a good feeling to ask for it. Although he doesn't mind and will willing satisfy my desires I often feel like perhaps he needs a break too - after all you do not want your husband to be doing something because they feel they have to do, sometimes you also want them to want to do it out of their own.
As a result I do get times when I feel the need to release this pent up energy (which cannot be done through any means other than sexual release). So I masturbate. My husband is aware of it and I do not fantasise about anyone other than my husband.
I do not feel guilty or ashamed about it nor do I feel that it is a sin. What I am doing is not harming my relationship or anyone, so surely it cannot be bad or harmful. If anything it could be good for my marriage as there is less pressure on my husband to constantly "perform" and the plus side it helps me discover things that might be helpful to hubby later on 
And just to cover another issue that a few people have brought up:
I am not addicted to masturbation and do not do it often/on a regular basis, but sometimes things just need to be done.
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RE: Masturbation-women - 7/20/2009 11:58:20 PM
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dinita717
Posts: 3
Joined: 10/29/2006
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I was surprised and kind of glad that I found this forum because I believe I do have a problem with masturbation. Like many of you I started innocently as a young girl ... nothing to do with porn or stuff like that. It felt good so I kept doing it then as I got older I got intruduced to romance novels. This did not help me at all because you tend to get aroused with the explicit sexual content and the sexual fantasy they provide. Needless to say I was hooked on the books and masturbation became more frequent. I prayed many years to be delivered from this habit and I believe I was for many years. Then I met a guy on the internet and because he was so far away and the phone calls became longer and more intimate we both fell into the sin of fornication thru phone sex. This was something I thought I would never do but it was so easy because we both allowed our sexual needs to take over our friendship. I now find myself once again falling to my weaknesses even though he is no longer in my life but the fantasy is still there in my mind. I know that many on this panel believe that it is a normal thing to do because it feels good and because our bodies crave it. I don't feel that it is normal or that it is pleasing to the Lord. One thing that I have always known and will never deny is that sex and sexual acts are reserved for the marriage bed. PERIOD. Anything outside of that, for females or males, is fornication because we are entertaining thoughts about sex and another person who is not our spouse. And masturbation is so self-serving. It is all about me. And the word of God teaches that sex is to be GIVEN one to another as spouses. Without thinking of our own needs. Only then if both partners are thinking of the other and what pleases the other then sex is a pleasure for both. I'm not trying to condemn anyone. Please believe that. I just know from my experience and from conviction. I am wrong and God WILL deliver me and give me the victory from my sinful habits. I recommend "Getting to NO: How to Break a Stubborn Habit" by Erwin Lutzer. It has helped me a lot.
God Bless
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RE: Masturbation-women - 7/21/2009 1:40:12 PM
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GraceyGirl
Posts: 62
Joined: 6/4/2006
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I haven't waded through all billion pages yet, but I wanted to share my thoughts anyway.
I personally don't think masturbation is a sin, within certain parameters.
I believe that sex or lovemaking is intended to be an act that takes place between a husband and wife. Period. HOWEVER - I don't think masturbation is either of these things. Yes, it's sexual. Hopefully, the stimulation and release that comes causes you to think on your other half. But, I don't see it as lovemaking. Lovemaking involves two people - separate ingredients to "make" something. With one person, you don't have that. Hence, not love"making."
From personal experience? I masturbate. It's not like I make a date or something like that, but at times, there it is. These times are typically after a particularly stressful week, often hubby isn't "available" or he's available but not willing. Not out of meanness, mind you, but due to a variety of factors. Our life doesn't stop just b/c we need sex. We have a healthy sex life I think - at least 2x per week, sometimes more. Infrequently it's less, most often due to one of us travelling or illness. But the absence of the other, or illness, doesn't negate the desire that flames up from time to time. I don't EVER use this as a way to get out of being close to him, and I never close him off. Often, (I can't believe I'm going to say this) one of us stumbling upon the other engaging in this act leads to a more "joyous union!"
I think if something is helpful, if it's something that doesn't bring shame to your marriage or your partner, then within the constraints of the law of marriage, it's ok. I don't really have an opinion about single people (sorry guys) but I do think that is one of those things (like oral sex) that really depends on the person, the marriage, and where you are in your walk with God. The reality is God wired those bits and pieces to respond like they do. He knows that sex isn't always about reproducing but it is always about pleasure.
_____________________________
I have every confidence in God’s ability to work through you…D.E.
Our Village Life
Sister Swap Spot
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RE: Masturbation-women - 7/22/2009 3:02:36 PM
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poetessfree
Posts: 286
Joined: 12/1/2008
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quote:
Does that make any sense to anybody? Do any of you women feel differently about a man masturbating than you do about yourself masturbating? (hope it's okay to ask that here).
as far as myself. I don't see it any different. I think the difference in both is whether they are using "devices", or anything to stimulate. If not, no difference.
_____________________________
"cute and cuddly boys" skipper
"Doctrine of Christ everywhere teaches self-denial and mortification of worldliness and sin...never makes the death of Christ a cloak to cover sin, but speaks of it as an instrument that destroys it". John Flavel
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RE: Masturbation-women - 7/22/2009 3:17:03 PM
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poetessfree
Posts: 286
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Graceygirl,
Thanks for sharing. I didn't think that I would be hearing from a lot of married women. That is surprising. I am still learning so much. And my stance is again, I don't believe that masturbation is a sin when there are no "extras", i.e. fantasies, porn, internet, etc.
God bless you.
_____________________________
"cute and cuddly boys" skipper
"Doctrine of Christ everywhere teaches self-denial and mortification of worldliness and sin...never makes the death of Christ a cloak to cover sin, but speaks of it as an instrument that destroys it". John Flavel
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RE: Masturbation-women - 8/6/2009 8:45:16 PM
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Crystal4287
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Joined: 3/26/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: m4maggie
However.... Biblically speaking??? Yes.. It is a sin.. and here is why
If you're married.. well.. the Bible says that love making is a perk in the union between a man and a woman.. yes? well.. women.. we use our imaginations (aka brain porn) to um... you know.. and so how many of us have fantasized about our husbands? I mean.. why fantasize when you can do right? So yes.. if you are married, it is a sin because it does say in the Bible (why can't I remember where? LOL) that even thinking about another in a sexual fashion is a form of adultry.
The same goes for the single ladies as well.. In that case, it's a form of fornication.
OK could you please find this in the bible for me. i would like to read that. i am a single woman and i have caught myself doing it when hormones arouse. oh and im young. but i have lived a life of sin where i was you doing things... anyways. i dont know what to say here.
oh I have a QUESTION what is DH stand for? i saw that on other posts.
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RE: Masturbation-women - 8/6/2009 10:17:23 PM
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Kath
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Dear Husband
_____________________________
It's official, forums will be set to read only on October 17.
See here for the official post from Fritz.
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RE: Masturbation-women - 8/8/2009 10:17:49 PM
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Crystal4287
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OK thanks. I sort of thought that but wasn't sure.
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RE: Masturbation-women - 8/13/2009 7:19:54 PM
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NINEA
Posts: 12
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Uh...I'll be right back after I exercise vigorously for three hours and take a cold shower...
Ok. Maybe we can skip the categorizing part sex/sexual, sin/natural, guilt/no guilt and ask ourselves whose spiritual life we would more like to aspire to--people who MB or those who don't?
We are all sinners, but are called to become more holy by denying our flesh. Galatians 5 distinguishes between those who live by the Spirit and those who succumb to the sinful nature. It's sort of like Sesame Street...one of these things is not like the other; one of these things just doesn't belong. Does the passage say love, joy, peace, patience kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control or self-pleasure?
Sure, there are those who can drink, smoke, swear, gossip, MB or whatever and not be addicted or sin technically, but is that the standard to which we aspire? Which list of characteristics do you want to resemble--those who live according to the spirit Gal 5:22-23 or Gal. 5:19-21 (those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God)?
By the way, I noticed a marked difference between the level of guilt expressed between men and women. Any thoughts on that?
_____________________________
Not I; not ever again.
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RE: Masturbation-women - 4/16/2010 7:41:36 PM
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manda59
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Bringing this to the top for michele_erin.
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RE: Masturbation-women - 4/18/2010 6:37:39 PM
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michele_erin
Posts: 38
Joined: 5/8/2006
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thank you Manda 59 -- I think I've struggled with the guilt of masterbation for many years -- since I was a kid. I stumbled upon it at a young age, was introduced to porn by some neighborhood boys at a very young age, and it ignited something in me. I felt the guilt of it because I felt in my heart as a child it was wrong, and always felt so ashamed about it.
Then when I got a boyfriend, I told him that I did that and he said that it was okay. (this was before Jesus) -- so I felt less shame about it. He further introduced me to more porn, and so on and so forth. It escalated into a full blown addiction for me as a young woman. It consumed me at times and was awful.
After coming to Christ as an adult (I say as an adult because as a child I went to church, got baptized, said the prayer, but walked away) --- I would continue to ask the Lord to take the addiction from me. I began to do it less and less. I stayed away from the porn, and have been delivered from the porn addiction. What a GREAT God we have! It was the strongest addiction I have ever experienced -- and truly was awful.
So then after I began to MB less and less, it would only happen 1 to 2 times a month -- then I met my husband, and that awoke inside of me feelings again, so it was a battle at times -- thankfully we married quickly so as not to burn with a passion. I knew the Lord brought us together, and I knew the Lord would take care of us.
So after we married, I did not feel that I should, but then talked to my husband about it and we both made a commitment to do our best to make it for each other. Then I got ill, began taking some meds that interferred with my desire, and so we had sex less often -- so I told him I didn't mind if he did. He is such a great man, he said that he was fine and would wait for me. God truly blessed me with him.
So on a rare occasion I have, and at times I feel guilty -- at times I don't. I just wanted to know how other women dealt with this also. Our sex life has been picking up because my desire is gradually coming back, but still have trouble reaching an ** because of the meds, so on occasion I will masterbate for the release. I only think of my husband, and sometimes I don't think of anything at all -- sometimes just want the release. Othertimes, I simply wait because I know he will want to as soon as he comes home if I want to. He never says no -- what a blessing!
I do repent about it each time because I never know if it is a sin or not. I guess I figure if I feel guilty, then it must be, but at times I just can't/don't want to stop. I hope this makes sense. :-) God bless all you wonderful women!
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RE: Masturbation-women - 4/20/2010 1:51:56 PM
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theprincessbuttercup
Posts: 1079
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From: Boo Radley's back yard
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hjn, I wanted to add to what you shared. I am also in the situation where I have a high need/desire, and DH does not. So I feel as you do. And I am very comfortable with that position.
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RE: Masturbation-women - 5/2/2010 7:27:04 PM
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BritanniCole
Posts: 113
Joined: 7/28/2006
From: Grandville, MI
Status: offline
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Hi Ladies,
I don't usually hang out in this folder so when I saw this thread I was like wow! I havent read through all the posts but for me M is something I almost feel is physically necessary for my body. I don't know if its a hormonal imbalance, but I have a very very high sex drive. It doesn't even take a lustful thought or visual, the other day I was just sitting at my desk at work and I felt myself start to *burn* There have been times I'm like "what's wrong with me!?!?!?" And I'm unmarried, so for me M has been something I have felt I need to do. Sorry I know alot of ppl will probabaly disagree with me.
_____________________________
Britanni Cole Photography
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RE: Masturbation-women - 5/4/2010 2:38:13 AM
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serasvictoria
Posts: 79
Joined: 7/10/2009
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quote:
bricole77:Hi Ladies,
I don't usually hang out in this folder so when I saw this thread I was like wow! I havent read through all the posts but for me M is something I almost feel is physically necessary for my body. I don't know if its a hormonal imbalance, but I have a very very high sex drive. It doesn't even take a lustful thought or visual, the other day I was just sitting at my desk at work and I felt myself start to *burn* There have been times I'm like "what's wrong with me!?!?!?" And I'm unmarried, so for me M has been something I have felt I need to do. Sorry I know alot of ppl will probabaly disagree with me.
Nope, you're safe because I agree with you. I've been married for 3 yrs now and I still M about once or twice every 2-3 months. The problem my DH and I have is we're never in the "mood" at the same time. I also feel it's just a physical release. I've never felt guilty about it later and I'm open about it with my DH.
_____________________________
Ghosts Were People Too
Christian By Choice, Southern By the Grace of God
www.facebook.com/toriramone
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RE: Masturbation-women - 5/7/2010 12:22:49 PM
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Goduseswomen
Posts: 6
Joined: 5/6/2010
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As someone who struggled with this at a very young age, I was addicted to all the way until I was in my twenties but God delivered me from it.
I truly believe it is a sin. Sometimes I do get attempted but I don't act on it when I do i just rebuke the temptations.
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