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PrincessDonna -> My God is faithful (11/16/2008 8:48:47 PM)

My God is faithful. I want that engraved on my tombstone someday, should the Lord tarry.

As I sat in worship service today, I was in awe at God's faithfulness to myself and my family. My honey is in a wheelchair and yet I know God is faithful. My body will never carry another child and yet I know God is faithful. My Nicolas went back to his mother's tonight and yet I know God is faithful. I know that I know that I know...

I don't know why He has asked us to walk through these struggles, but I am thankful that He is with us every step of the way. I know that each hard thing has a purpose in my Daddy's plans for me and my family. I know that His plans for us are good plans, and that in the end all of these things will be for His glory. That is all that matters.

If Brian had been paralyzed or brain-damaged the rest of his life, God would still be faithful. If Brian had died that day, God would still be faithful. Faithfulness is part of God's character. Faithfulness is who God is, and God never changes. It is also part of the fruit of the Spirit He wants me to grow.

God, thank you for your faithfulness to me. Use these trials to shape me into the servant You want me to be. Thank you for the trials that remind me to cling to You.



PrincessDonna -> Welcome to the family of God, Nick! (11/30/2008 7:44:34 PM)

Tonight, while bringing Nick back to his mom's house in the freezing rain and icy roads, I was privileged to help him say the sinner's prayer. He had said at the end of church after the pastor gave an invitation that he hadn't ever asked Jesus in his heart, but he didn't want to go talk to the pastor together. I didn't want it to be a forced thing in any way, so I just kind of dropped it. Then on the way back to his mom's, he said he wanted to. We talked a while, to make sure he understood what he was doing and why.

God is so awesome and I am so humbled to have been given the opportunity to pray that prayer with him. I am so excited for my boy! No matter what happens in his life, no matter what his mom says, no matter what a court decides, NO ONE can ever take Jesus from him. Awesome!

Every heart ache, every tear drop for that child...redeemed in an instant. They were all worth it.



PrincessDonna -> Ten years. (1/2/2009 4:14:30 PM)

January 1st, 1999. Two kids stood before a judge and repeated some nice words. One did it because she was told not to, and the other did it to escape his mother's house. Neither knew anything of real love or commitment. Neither had any idea what the next 10 years would hold. Neither were following God, nor had any intention to do so.

January 1st, 2009. Same two kids. A whole lot older. Hopefully at least a little wiser. I think we know what love is now. Both following God now, wanting to be completely pliable in His hands. Still having no idea what the next 10 years will hold, but knowing it will be GOOD even when the ride is bumpy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ten years.

Two became seven. Four grew in our love. One grew in our hearts. Two more wait for us in Glory.

Many, many tears. Tears of pain, tears of loss, tears of fear. Tears of hope, tears of restoration, tears of joy. All seen by God, all a part of His greater plan.

A whole lot of laughter too. Laughter over silly things, laughter over serious things, laughter to keep from crying.

And then this year...a tractor, a Subaru and a husband/Daddy that got to stay here with us for now. The faithfulness of so many as we cling to the only Truth we know.

I don't know where God will take us in the next ten years. That can be scary, but right now, it's more exciting. I know there will be mountains and valleys. I know we will never be alone.

Ten years. By His grace and for His glory, ten more.



PrincessDonna -> Nicolas...8 years (2/7/2009 2:55:54 PM)

So, I decided that this year, I want to tell some about each of my kiddos on their birthdays. Probably some funny things, some serious things, and some just because things.

Today is Nick's 8th birthday!

[sm=catinhatsmile.gif] <---this smace most reminds me of Nick. Goofy and proud of it. LOL He's my jokester, always playing around. This can be a problem, when it's time for focusing or paying attention to something. But I know that in life, laughter goes a long way, so I hope my Nick keeps laughing. I hope he never loses that mischievous sparkle in his eye. I do hope and trust that he will grow in maturity and learn when goofiness is not appropriate, but I hope that through all of life, he stays just a little goofy.

Nick is my details little man. When he colors, it takes forever and he does a great job! His work at school is always very neat. He likes things to look nice and he takes pride in doing a good job. I love that about Nick.

Thinking of Nick over the last year, a couple days come to mind the most. The first was Mother's Day, when he and Hannah brought me those beautifully huge dandelions. He remembered me even though he wouldn't be here on Mother's Day, and he wanted to let me know that he loves me as his Mom. I cherish that day. Another even bigger day was the day he asked me to help him ask Jesus in his heart. Wow. To think that after all we've been through, I got to be "the one" to lead him to Jesus...so special. No one can EVER take that away from him, no matter how hard they try.

After Brian's accident, Nick inflated the "story" to say that he saw the whole thing, the tractor flipped over and caught on fire, etc. What an imagination that kid has! I think he'll be a good story teller to his kids someday. LOL

I love my Nick-us (how Hannah first said his name...it stuck).

Happy birthday, my big boy! I can't wait to see how much you're going to grow this year!



PrincessDonna -> Levi and the terribly terrific 2s! (2/9/2009 9:58:20 PM)

Levi...what to say about the little guy...it's his second birthday!

Two is such a fun age, and at times, the most aggravating. Able to do and understand so much, but not able to express himself well, which often lends to full-fledged throwingmyselfonthefloor tantrums (him, not usually me). Following which he is quick to offer a bear hug and a sincere "I sorry, Mama". Growing up so fast he can barely keep up with himself.

His favorite songs this year...Never Let Go by Matt Redman and the old favorite, Jesus Loves Me. He knows all the words to both and loves to sing while we snuggle before bed. My favorite line in Jesus Loves Me is "they are weak but he is STRONG!" Levi likes to yell strong at the top of his lungs while showing off his nonexistent muscles.[:D]

His favorite books are Brown Bear, Brown Bear and The Hungry Little Caterpillar. We have read them at least 300 times each in the past 6 months. I can (and have) read them with my eyes closed.

One day, he's a bottomless pit and will eat whatever I put in front of him. The next, only chicken nuggets and cheese will do. Some days he does well with eating utensils, other days most of his food ends up on the floor (I want to know who in their right mind put carpet in a dining room?!?!).

His latest trick is to take his diaper off and pull his pants back up, so I don't know. That has led to quite a few SURPRISE moments. Ha.

Someday, his little boy self will be grown. I hope I remember these days until my old age. They are precious and they are sweet, no matter how laborious and messy they may be.

Mommy loves you, Levi! I love seeing you grow!



PrincessDonna -> Noah's 9th bday...a few days late (2/21/2009 11:22:49 AM)

Noah's 9th bday was Monday, the 16th. I didn't forget. We were just insanely busy. And...since the kid was the only one of mine born after the due date, well...I'm sure he won't mind being a little late.[;)]

Noah is 9 going on 30. He's very serious and very sensitive. He knows things most kids his age don't know. It makes me sad that I can't protect him from life and that he has that oh so tender heart that gets wounded so easily. I pray that God will help us guide that sensitivity where God leads and not walk through life wounded.

This year, Noah has walked through a lot for a kid. He has been my right-hand little man, helping me with Daddy whenever and however he can. We've had more than our share of head-butting moments too, but whenever I have needed him, there he is, ready to help.

Noah loves to go ice skating. He loves to be with friends. He loves math and reading. English not so much.[8D] He loves fixing things and he knows the names and uses of more tools than I do! His favorite place to be is in the garage with Dad, getting all greasy and man-smelling.[8D] Brian says he's training him to take care of our cars someday when Brian can't any more.

Noah loves babies. He would hold Esther all day if I let him, and often tries to use her as an excuse not to do his schoolwork. LOL He is a protective big brother, and I love how he can be gentle with Hannah, Levi, and Esther. He likes to read them books and pick up little things for them at the store. He gets great joy out of giving to others, and I love that about him!

We butt heads quite a bit, but mostly I think it's because he's a lot like me. God uses Noah often to remind ME how much he loves me, no matter how stubborn I might be.

I love you, Noah. May the year ahead of you be better than you could have imagined.



PrincessDonna -> Hannah's 4th birthday! (2/26/2009 5:07:50 PM)

Just stretching out these February birthdays...[;)]

Saturday, Hannah turned 4!

Hannah's favorite song is Crazy Beautiful. She really is my crazy beautiful little girl, getting big so fast!

She loves helping me cook, drying pots and pans, and playing with baby Esther. She says she wants to be a wife and a Mommy when she grows up and she wants a thousand hundred babies. She continually talks about being there when Esther was born, and I almost wish I could have more babies just so she could see them be born. Almost.[;)]

Such a tender, sweet heart that wants to please God. She loves to ask questions about God and Heaven, much more than the boys did at her age. She's got some really good questions too! She is a pray-er, for sure! She loves to pray and her prayers humble my heart often. Such simple faith and love...so precious.

Picky little eater. I don't know how she grows without eating, but she does. LOL She'd live on chicken nuggets and box macaroni and cheese if I let her, but don't worry...I don't.

She's very social. She loves Sunday School and Discovery Preschool with her church friends. She is really enjoying all of these times at her friends' houses while I take Brian to doctor appointments, and doesn't seem to miss us at all. She especially loves her little cousin, Caragen, and doing lots of "girl stuff" with her.

Hannah is a Daddy's girl, no doubt. She is his princess and I just love to watch him love her. It makes my heart smile.

Happy birthday, Baby Big Girl!



PrincessDonna -> Esther...6 months old! (2/28/2009 1:52:51 PM)

Not to be left out of the birthday postings, Esther is having her half-birthday today. Half a year old already?! How time is flying...[:(]

My little sweetie loves to give open mouth slobbery kisses. She says "mama" and "dada", but I don't think she knows who she is talking about with either of them yet. When she says "dada", she usually sounds mad. LOL Full of giggles, squeals, and jabbering all the time...she's getting to be quite the distraction in church or Bible study!

Esther is well-loved by her older siblings. Seems someone is always holding her or carting her around, and she thrives on all the attention. Sometimes I have to tell them to put her down and let her just play!

She can roll over and over and over very quickly. Rolling over just might be her superpower, in fact.[8D] She has just started getting on hands and knees and moving forward or backward, but she is not crawling. Why? Because I have not said she could.[;)]

She makes us smile on difficult days, brings laughter to the PICU waiting room, and reminds us that God's timing is perfect and He will always give us hope. My precious baby opens all kinds of conversations with people in doctor's offices and hospitals, precious opportunities to share the One who gives us hope and Whose joy we delight in, even when life is hard.

These are fun days with my littlest girl. I'm sorry to see them going so quickly, but I know there is more fun ahead. And no matter how big she gets, she'll always be my baby.

Happy half-birthday, Esther Hope!



PrincessDonna -> Life... (5/15/2009 11:42:56 PM)

Life has been crazy since I last posted. Brian has had two surgeries...March 2nd was revision of the rod in his femur. Seems to be healing this time (yay!). April 29th was his spinal fusion. That one is a longer recovery and we are 2 weeks and 2 days into it. Next week will be 10 months since the accident. Ten months that seem like forever. I hope there will be a day we look back on this time and it seems short, but I doubt it.

We are needing encouragement today, so here goes...

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Therefore we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

And one of my favorites...

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:28-31

We are weary, Lord. Would you carry us for a while?



PrincessDonna -> 5 precious hours (5/28/2009 11:30:43 PM)

We have had a new visitation schedule with Nick for a month now, and we are LOVING it! We "lost" a weekend a month with him (now have every other weekend instead of three in a row), but gained midweek time EVERY single week. I pick him up from school Wednesday and bring him back there Thursday morning. The best part about this time is that we don't have to deal with his mom at all, and since he is coming from school, he is not negative about coming to Daddy's house...the exact opposite, actually.

When we were going through court, Nick's mom claimed that weeknights shouldn't count as time spent with her, because he has school work and has to go to bed early. We are finding our one weeknight a week to be WONDERFUL!

Last night, between 3 and 8...
-played with siblings and cousins for a couple hours
-10 minutes of homework with Dad
-nice dinner with everyone (even Brian sat at the table!!!)
-worked on the lemonade stand he and Noah are building
-visited with Grandpa
-read for 20 minutes with Mom...we read to Hannah and Levi before bed
-many, many smiles and hugs from siblings

And then this morning...
-snuggled with Dad and watch cartoons
-sang "Happy 9 month birthday" to Esther with us
-worshiped with me on the way to school

We also got to read the journal he has kept all year. Every single weekend he spent with us, he wrote about those weekends, going to Daddy's house and having a great time. Every single one.

Time with Nick is not always easy, but it is never wasted. We are making sure of that.

We are so blessed!!!!



PrincessDonna -> Live, Laugh, Love (7/8/2009 1:27:12 AM)

As Brian's 29th birthday has just gone by, and the one year anniversary of his accident is rapidly approaching, I find myself in a contemplative place. Surveying what we have gone through, and wondering what on earth is ahead for us now. Most of all, wanting to know the purpose for all of this...though I know we may never really know this side of Glory.

A few things that are echoing in my heart lately...and I know we all "know" them, but sometimes it takes almost losing (or actually losing!) your whole life before we really know how much someone means to us.

1. Troubles are certain. If you live on this planet, you're going to have troubles. They come in all kinds of different forms...a car accident that claims or maims a life, a husband who leaves, a child with a devastating illness or disease, bills that pile up at the same time as a pink slip appears. We're all going to have them at some point.

2. Troubles are temporary! Praise God...this life is not all there is! If it was, well then, what would we have to live for? Today's troubles are building up a treasure in Heaven for those of us who are assured of our salvation. To those who don't have that assurance...it's FREE, and you can! Jesus wants to be your Hope in this life and the next.

3. It is rarely worth it to be angry. Seriously. Your spouse/kid/parent/sibling/roommate probably is a pain in the neck from time to time, and yes, that cast iron skillet can be tempting. But...we're all a pain in the neck sometimes. And what if those last terse words really end up being the last ones you get? Think about it. Laugh more, forgive more, love more.

4. Life is meant to be lived, not suffered through. None of us knows how many days we have left. We shouldn't live in fear of that, but we also need to live each and every day to the full, as if it were our last. Don't be miserable! It doesn't help anyway!

5. Don't leave things undone and things unsaid that you may regret later. Go for a walk with your kids. Get that family photo done (gotta do this myself...). Eat ice cream for dinner once in a while. Rethink why you're saying no if you can say yes, and on the flipside...make sure you're not saying yes to too many things that eat up all of the life you've been given. Again, don't live in fear...just don't forget to LIVE!

6. A little kindness goes a long way. Instead of assuming the worst of someone, why not try first assuming the best? Treat other people as you would want to be treated. Remember that most times you don't know someone's whole story, and we all need a little grace. When you catch yourself starting to judge someone, instead offer them a friendly smile, a kind word, and a quiet prayer for them.

And last, but not least...your public service announcement for the day...

7. Don't drive like an idiot. FertheloveofPete, there is no reason to pass someone who is going the speed limit on a narrow, windy two-lane road. Even on a bigger road, be alert, aware, and BE PATIENT. It will never be worth it to save 5 minutes on your trip if it lands you or someone else in a hospital for weeks or worse. And if you drive something big, such as an invincible SUV or even a big old farm tractor hauling a ginormous liquid manure spreader...take extra care. Do you really want to be responsible for injuring someone else, while you walk away unscathed? Be safe out there, people. Buckle up, breathe deeply, and let's all get where we're going safely and calmly, okay?



PrincessDonna -> RE: Live, Laugh, Love (1/14/2011 5:03:53 PM)

I thought this was gone, but clicked on an old bookmark, and...poof! Here it is!

You have no idea how happy I am![:D]



PrincessDonna -> RE: Live, Laugh, Love (10/12/2011 6:23:43 PM)

And still happy that it's here...I'm going to be printing this blog off. It's the only journal type thing I kept when I was updating regularly. This blog covered everything from the births of two of my babies, the healing of my marriage, Brian's accident, and so many more ups and downs in life.

As CW/FCN/Whatever comes to an end, I leave you with what this place and these people (YOU!) have meant to my life...

I have learned...

that I am lovable.
that I am loved.
that I am able to love.

I had some serious self-esteem issues going on when I first came to these forums in 2004. My marriage had been a mess, though it was improving slowly before I came here. I had some really deep issues with abuse and atrocities I had endured as a child and teen, and had not really dealt with. I came here and found a lot of people understood. I found a place where I could let the ick and yuck out, and I could still be loved. I found people who urged me on as I dealt with some really hard stuff.

I found a platform to be real on here. I couldn't do that IRL at that point. I can now. People tell me all the time that I am one of the most real person they know. I'm not afraid to let my scars from the past and even my faults today show. They are what make us human, and also (I believe) a large part of what God uses to draw the lost to Himself.

I found my voice in these forums. I learned how to disagree with people and still show kindness and unity of spirit. I learned that it's okay to be me.

I have met some of my very best friends in the whole world here on these forums. People who would do most anything for me if they had the means, and I would do the same for them. I have prayed for countless people and situations here, and I know many, many prayers have been offered on my behalf. Thank you!

I love you all very much, and this place will be sorely missed. If we don't meet here...see you on the Other Side.



Hey, did you know???

Our God is Faithful.
Still BeLieViNG HiM for good things...

Donna



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