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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/25/2010 1:00:41 PM
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HomeSpunLady
Posts: 312
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Lovely Pennsylvania!
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Welcome Sera! I know you will find support here. There are many different ladies here with many different reasons for not ttcing. Some are temporary, some are permanent. I know what you mean, though, about the pressure and negative accusations about not having kids. It's funny, my thought is always "are you going to help me with these babies you want me to have?" Nah, didn't think so.
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Kathryn
Just Me
<---That's ME running!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/25/2010 3:40:28 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 155
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Greetings, Sera! I'm moon_mouse, and I'm 41, married 17 years, and childfree by choice. In fact, today is the one week anniversary of my tubal ligation! 
I've found that the baby pressure ebbs and flows over time. You're in one of the prime pressure points on two fronts: your age and your anniversary status. 25 is a nice round number age for a woman, and many people see 2-3 years as the proper time to "allow" a newly married couple to enjoy each other before it's "time" to "start a family" (as if you weren't one already, right?!  ) I also experienced pressure at the 5th anniversary, age 30, 10th anniversary, and 35. The 30th birthday was the worst! People had the "your eggs are spoiling and you don't have much time left" tactic, and that also seemed to be when a lot of people started getting offended that I hadn't had kids. It's surprising how people can take another couple's personal procreative decisions as some sort of judgement on their own choices! Strangely, I expected pressure at 40, but I guess people finally thought I was mature enough to decide what to do with my own body...or maybe they just gave up, LOL!...but my own mom didn't bat an eyelid when I asked if she could come stay with me the day after my surgery.
So, chin up, girlfriend! There is hope!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/25/2010 6:41:32 PM
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HomeSpunLady
Posts: 312
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Lovely Pennsylvania!
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All I have to say is How Rude! What makes people think they can just tell others what to do with something so personal? My goodness!!
Moon how was the surgery? Tell me all about it, I want to know. If you don't mind that is.
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Kathryn
Just Me
<---That's ME running!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/25/2010 7:23:01 PM
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sharonjef2007
Posts: 1753
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Sera....welcome! No worries, if anyone comes in here with guns blazin....we will take them out!
Moon....glad to hear your surgery went well. How are you recovering? Was it laproscopic?
Cinderella.....if you had spotting in your cervical mucous, I'd say that was just ovulation. When is your next visit from Aunt Flo supposed to be?
I'm in that stupid 2 week wait now and I am driving myself crazy! Just in case we failed at the TTC deal, my husband scheduled his 2 week R&R around what would be an estimated due date. Hopefully that jinxed things enough so that I'm not pregnant.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/25/2010 7:48:37 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 155
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I did have laparoscopic surgery, with one incision in my navel and one right at my bikini line.
It wasn't all that bad. I went to the day surgery unit with my hubby at 6AM on Tuesday. I couldn't eat or drink after midnight Monday, but that didn't matter much to me because I was a little nervous. Not about the reason for the surgery. I was very certain about that. But more the unknown of having surgery. But God is good, and He sent me a wonderful medical staff that made me feel very comfortable. The anesthesiologist in particular was great. He assured me that I was still in control, even asleep, because my body, through my vital signs, would be telling him what I needed. At 8, they took me into the surgery room. I was secured onto the table. The anesthesiologist came in and said hi, then I drifted off, dreamed about playing 3 holes at Pebble Beach with the hubby, and woke up in recovery. I was there about 45 minutes, then back to a day room so my hubby could be with me. I was a little groggy and thirsty, but not in much pain. The biggest problem was they wouldn't let me go home until I peed, and it took 4 hours and about 3 liters of fluid to get my bladder to wake up. And then, it wouldn't shut up! I had to get up every half hour, which was kind of a big production.
That evening and the next day are kind of a blur. I had pain meds, but really only needed half a darvocet every 6 hours or so. I got up about every 2 hours to walk around, but otherwise stayed on the couch and watched tv. But Thursday, I could stay by myself, and tend to myself without much effort. By Saturday, I was off pain meds and able to go out for short periods, but still tired out quickly. I started back at work Monday. I still get a little tired, and occasionally I'll turn the wrong way or try to lift too much and get a twinge, but I'm otherwise back to normal. I have a follow up appointment next Tuesday to get my incisions checked and get cleared for all activities.
That's pretty much it, but let me know if you have any other questions. And, pray for me in two weeks as I start my first month in 18 years of not being hormonally regulated!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/25/2010 10:28:23 PM
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sharonjef2007
Posts: 1753
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Well, here is hoping Aunt Flo arrives soon!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/25/2010 10:35:28 PM
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HomeSpunLady
Posts: 312
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Lovely Pennsylvania!
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Moon, if you don't mind me asking, did you know early on that you didn't want children? If so, what made you wait to get the surgery? Also did insurance cover it? Mine won't, but they'll cover an IUD, prenatal care, labor and delivery. Grrrr.
Part of me doesn't want to get the surgery. I'm afraid I'll be that one in like 100 that gets pregnant.
_____________________________
Kathryn
Just Me
<---That's ME running!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 2:56:21 AM
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serasvictoria
Posts: 79
Joined: 7/10/2009
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HomeSpunLady : Yep, so far no one has offered to pay for all these kids they want me to have. And yes, it is rude when people try to tell me what to do concerning these personal things. I want to respond, "Hey, I'm not telling you what should or should not come out of your body, so give me the same courtesy."
_Cinderella_ : Thanks for the welcome! It's good to be here with you ladies!
moon_mouse: Your response made me laugh. So I'm in the worst of the pressure, eh? So not cool. Yeah, I hate how people assume my life just isn't complete without the drooling, snotty, always has that funny smell, babies. I like to tell people that I already have a baby, then proceed to show them pictures of my kitty. They usually get weirded out or scoff at me. Plus, I already have a family, two in fact. I have my family, complete with my mom, dad, and sis. Then I have my DH's family. So, I'm all burned out on family. LOL Not to mention all the members of God's family. Yeah, that'll shut them up. BTW, hope your recovery from surgery is a fast process.
sharonjef2007: LOL, with your gun comment, you sound like my kinda lady! Good to know you gals have each others' backs!
_____________________________
Ghosts Were People Too
Christian By Choice, Southern By the Grace of God
www.facebook.com/toriramone
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 10:17:28 AM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 155
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HomeSpunLady
Moon, if you don't mind me asking, did you know early on that you didn't want children? If so, what made you wait to get the surgery?
Having children never really interested me, but it also wasn't something I ever really thought concretely about until I had my first serious boyfriend my freshman year of college. He wanted kids, two girls to be exact. It was really easy for me to see myself working in television, and being married. But being a mom...that always felt like a forced image to me, like I was watching myself play a role in a play. It wasn't natural. It wasn't "me". So when I started talking about marriage with my eventual DH, I was very clear that I didn't want kids any time soon, and couldn't guarantee I ever would want them. He was ok with that, but I think he assumed I would change my mind. He's always been a very conventional thinker (I don't mean that in a pejorative sense), and he assumed "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes junior in the baby carriage" because that's "just what people do", KWIM? As time went on, I kept putting off thinking seriously about kids. There always seemed to be something else to get done first. Eventually, we both came to realize it wasn't just a matter of "not the right time". We just really didn't want it that bad. (I didn't want it at all, LOL!) I think it really became final when my SIL had her baby. DH got to see close up the hassles and daily grind of parenting, and that sealed it for him!
As for why I didn't have the surgery earlier. I never had any side effects from the pill. Taking it every day could be a hassle, so at 30, I talked to my doctor about having a tubal. She recommended waiting, since I was still relatively young and suggested an IUD. DH wasn't comfortable with my having a foreign object in my uterus, and I didn't like the possibility of heavy bleeding, so I just stayed with the pill. Taken correctly, it's almost as effective as a tubal...and I was very strict about taking it! But, when I turned 40, I knew that the risks from the pill increase, even for non-smokers, and with my family's heart attack and stroke history I had a good concrete reason to go ahead and have it done.
quote:
Also did insurance cover it?
YES! I'm paying a co-pay for the consult and follow-up. I'll pay about $130 to the hospital, $75 to the doctor, and probably the same to the anesthesiologist. In less than 2 years I'll break even with what I pay for pills. Even if I'd had to pay it all, taking into account pills and backup methods when needed, assuming I was through menopause at 55, I'd break even with pills. Frankly, looking back, I wish I'd done it 5 years ago!
quote:
Part of me doesn't want to get the surgery. I'm afraid I'll be that one in like 100 that gets pregnant.
I can understand that. Knowing it's still not 100% isn't fun. But, the tubal does take operator error and circumstantial error (like having to use a backup when taking antibiotics) out of the equation!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 10:21:19 AM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 155
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quote:
ORIGINAL: serasvictoria
Yeah, I hate how people assume my life just isn't complete without the drooling, snotty, always has that funny smell, babies.
OH, the smell! It always freaks me out when babyphiles talk about "that sweet baby smell." I'm sorry, even when they are freshly washed, they smell like sour milk to me!
quote:
I like to tell people that I already have a baby, then proceed to show them pictures of my kitty.
We are so the stereotypical yuppie childless couple with the little spoiled floofy dog! Katie is in many ways as much fun as a baby, but I can put her in her play crate when we go out to dinner.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 12:43:41 PM
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HomeSpunLady
Posts: 312
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Lovely Pennsylvania!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: serasvictoria
Yeah, I hate how people assume my life just isn't complete without the drooling, snotty, always has that funny smell, babies.
Careful. I like my babies that I already have. Just because I don't want anymore doesn't mean I don't want the ones I have right now. My reasons for not having babies is totally different. It pains me to not be able to have anymore. I grieve when I see shows that depict newborns. It hurts, deeply. I respect that you don't want children, I am glad you know that now, rather than afterwords. And I don't think anyone should push that on you or anyone else. But I love my babies, snot and all.
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Kathryn
Just Me
<---That's ME running!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 1:49:53 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 155
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I'm sorry you took offense at her statement, and I hope you didn't take offense at my reply. It's not meant as an indictment of your children or a suggestion that you shouldn't love them or find them wonderful. In fact it has nothing to do with you. It's a statement of our gut feelings. It doesn't mean we don't recognize babies as human beings who deserve respect and attention. It simply means that we don't find them attractive, in the same way that I don't find Victorian architecture, country music, or Impressionist art attractive. The difference is that no one who chooses to paper their home with Monet reproductions insists that I should shell out for one, or accuses me of being a damaged human being because I don't listen to George Strait. Would I express that opinion to someone who said "isn't my baby beautiful" or in a room full of parents and their kids? No. But here, where we're talking about our varying reasons for not procreating at the present time, I don't think it's out of line.
This is something you haven't experienced because you wanted children, but there is a mindset that believes that every woman secretly loves and wants children, and if they could only force their absolutely adorable baby into your arms you would be overwhelmed by the transcendent wonderfulness of children. But the simple fact is that not everyone finds babies or children appealing in an abstract sense.
Again, I'm sorry you found the statement hurtful, but I think you are personalizing this a little bit.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 1:59:44 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 857
Joined: 1/10/2008
From: Oregon
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quote:
ORIGINAL: moon_mouse
quote:
ORIGINAL: serasvictoria
Yeah, I hate how people assume my life just isn't complete without the drooling, snotty, always has that funny smell, babies.
OH, the smell! It always freaks me out when babyphiles talk about "that sweet baby smell." I'm sorry, even when they are freshly washed, they smell like sour milk to me!
This thread is for individuals to discuss not having children. Various women are here for various reasons; however, I do not believe it is appropriate to call someone a "babyphile" because they DO enjoy babies. Using the word "phile" implies a negative connotation which is offensive to those who like babies.
Please remember that we are Christians here and that we need to treat each other with dignity and respect. Name calling is disrespectful.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 2:11:13 PM
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HomeSpunLady
Posts: 312
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Lovely Pennsylvania!
Status: offline
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I didn't find her statement hurtful, I hurt because I can't have anymore babies. I am not TTCing because it would be dangerous for myself and my family if I got pregnant. That hurts me, that pains me, that is what grieves me. No, her statement didn't hurt. I guess I was a bit irked that in her statement children are snotty to her. Is that all she sees about children? We were all at one point, children. Granted, before I had kids I was never the 'kid, baby-baby' person. But it was different with my own. I have no problem if she doesn't want to have kids, but her statement took not ttcing to a whole different level. She made children sound disgusting. I have children, pardon me for personalizing it.
All I'm saying is that we all have vastly different reasons for not ttcing, mine is not because I don't like babies or children, I don't want others to assume that everyone feels that way.
_____________________________
Kathryn
Just Me
<---That's ME running!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 2:22:28 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 155
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quote:
ORIGINAL: daughter_of_faith
Using the word "phile" implies a negative connotation which is offensive to those who like babies.
At first, I was a little confused by how the suffix "-phile" could have a negative connotation. I love the culture of france, and wouldn't have a problem with being called a Francophile. Then, it occurred to me that there is a word "pedophile" that does have a horrific connotation. I didn't mean anything related to that. By "babyphile" I simply meant a person who loves all things baby. In a good sense. Like those photos of babies dressed up as flowers.
Wow, I'm sorry, I didn't even think of that.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 2:28:50 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 13111
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Here, now
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"Babyphile" is no more offensive than "Anglophile," and that is how it was used: one who likes babies.
Please get back on topic.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 2:30:07 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 155
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HomeSpunLady
I guess I was a bit irked that in her statement children are snotty to her. Is that all she sees about children? We were all at one point, children.
I think she meant snotty in a literal sense, as in filled with snot, not snotty in a figurative sense as in attitudinal. And yes, all little children are literally snotty!
quote:
She made children sound disgusting. I have children, pardon me for personalizing it.
I love my little niece, but after about 3 hours I need to get away from her. The noise, the constant need for attention, the tantrums...I can only take that for so long. My boss's kids are wonderful, but they are both ADHD and 30 minutes is about my limit with them. Both my SIL and my boss don't take it personally. It's not a reflection on their kids. It's a matter of my personality, and they get that.
quote:
All I'm saying is that we all have vastly different reasons for not ttcing, mine is not because I don't like babies or children, I don't want others to assume that everyone feels that way.
I think the norm on this thread is liking kids, and not ttc for some other reason. I don't think anyone who bothered to read more than one page of this thread would think we're all a bunch of child-haters. But, I have to be honest that one reason I don't have kids is that I don't find them appealing. I think there's room for both here.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 2:37:08 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 155
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quote:
ORIGINAL: moon_mouse
Like those photos of babies dressed up as flowers.
Anne Geddes! That's the artist I was thinking of!
Anyway, I'll keep The Daily Puppy as my home page! 
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 2:40:43 PM
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HomeSpunLady
Posts: 312
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Lovely Pennsylvania!
Status: offline
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Yes, I will agree with you, children can be full of snot. Ick.
And even we mothers need a break once in a while. We aren't super-human after all, so I understand you there.
And your last statement (which I don't have quoted because I'm not that talented) about not finding them appealing I don't find offensive. But the previous statement of the drooly, snotty, smelly babies painted babies/children in a negative light. I found that offensive.
Sorry to take it off topic.
Here's on topic: What IS everyone using for bc? And moon-mouse, do you have to use anything for a certain time, or are you 'good to go' so to speak from the initial snip-clip? Do you know how they did it? I've heard so many ways of doing it, burning, clamping, clipping....
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Kathryn
Just Me
<---That's ME running!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 5/26/2010 2:49:17 PM
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sharonjef2007
Posts: 1753
Status: offline
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Abstinence......
...makes not TTC pretty easy but it is not nearly as fun...
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