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Teens and driving - 10/6/2008 2:24:07 PM
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Leslie_JnJs_mom
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Jack is on the verge of having a car. Yes I am scared!!!! Is there a way to limit driving without a huge fight? I know I can say no but I am also worried about this being a big problem every time I say no you cannot drive right now even if he is not in trouble.
What time should teens be in on the weekends? I am hoping that the last couple of years my son is at home will be fun years full of fond memories not years filled with fighting because he wants to have all of the adult fun with no responsibilities.
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/6/2008 2:28:14 PM
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manda59
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Has he saved up enough money to buy his own car, insure it and pay for the petrol (gas)?
I personally think that this is the best way to naturally regulate when a teen starts driving, and also gives them more of a sense of responsibility since it's coming out of their own pockets.
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/6/2008 2:36:04 PM
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Leslie_JnJs_mom
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The car has sorta been paid for. Long story short is the car he got was not safe so we sold it. He was mad until a month after we sold it we found out it broke down. The people that bought it own a salvage yard so they just fixed it but we could not have fixed it. We are going to get him a replacement that is a bit safer. So we keep our eyes open for 500.00 dollar cars which there are several out there that cheap that are safe. At least in this area.
Jack had a job over the summer but when football started I made him quit. Football will be over soon and he will return to working. That is when we will get him a replacement car. So the long and short of it is yes he will have the money. I have already told him several times I will not pay for the gas or insurance.
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<------- Jessica and I had so much fun with grandma!
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/6/2008 2:37:06 PM
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shadowspring
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LOL! That is so true around here (NC) these days. The cost of gas alone should be enough to limit the use of any car. That is AFTER you have paid the extremely expensive insurance premiums on young drivers.
And as far as curfew, that shouldn't change just because he has his own transportation. At our house there is no set time, but when said event is over you call home. If you want to go out anywhere else afterwards then you ask when you call, and then call when you get there and as you are leaving.
Of course all teens forget to call/break curfew at least once, so decide ahead the consequences and stick to them. Mine would lose the privilege of freedom for at least a month. (We take staying in touch very seriously.)
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/6/2008 2:38:50 PM
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stellaluna
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Mmm...my curfew was 10 on weekdays when there was an event (basketball game or something) and midnight on weekends. I didn't have my own car, though.
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/6/2008 3:01:11 PM
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Leslie_JnJs_mom
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Thanks! I sometimes wish I could just turn my 16 year old back into a 9 year old. Now I know why the says says at 13 put them in an oak barrel with a hole for food and at 16 plug the hole.
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<------- Jessica and I had so much fun with grandma!
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/9/2008 4:25:00 PM
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SuccessinTruth
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Leslie, I understand exactly how you feel. Just don't forget, and don't let him forget, that driving is a privilege, not a right. And it's a privilege that needs to be earned by showing responsible behaviour. Many parents forget that they hold the keys.
His curfew has to be your decision; 10 on weeknights and midnight on weekends is very reasonable. It doesn't have to be anything to fight about, just have your expectations and let him know the consequences. His fond memories of his last couple of years at home are not just up to you, but him as well. If your boundaries and expectations aren't unreasonable, and it doesn't sound like they are, he should respect the fact that you are doing nothing more than loving him and guiding him(being a good parent). Irritating him a bit is lots better than burying him.
May His Hand be upon you to protect and guide you.
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/10/2008 12:05:43 AM
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iluvatar
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How funny is it that when we're 16, we can't wait to get a car, but now I would be glad to be rid of it. If worked along the subway line, I'd dump my car in a heartbeat.
-Dan.
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/10/2008 11:45:17 AM
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Rebecca1965
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There are several Free driving contracts on line ... this is something the teen may not like but it is clear and can be arranged to suit your needs... once the teen signs the contract it is your job to follow thru... for me holding on to my ground can be a struggle because I want my child to have things... but I have to remember it is for his own good...
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/10/2008 11:52:04 AM
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Calea37
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My son is getting close to driving age too. I am planning on regulating it based on each circumstance and how well he takes his responsibility. Meaning: He will be trusted greatly unless he does something to break that trust. His curfew will vary depending on where he is going, who he will be with, etc... He is pretty sensible so I want to honor that. Cross me, though, and he's dead meat! LOL
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Isaiah 2:22 Stop regarding man, whose breath life is in his nostrils; for why should he be esteemed?
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/10/2008 2:36:11 PM
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michele_erin
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We told our teenager he had to pay his own insurance and gas, which meant he had to have a job. We gave him a curfew of 1 am, and could not drive after dark until he turned 18. He was also not allowed to have passengers in the car until he was 18 either (it was a state law, so we enforced it). He got caught having a friend in the car, and he got grounded from his car. He was upset, but even teens need discipline. Just like when they were little tots! He learned his lesson -- and he has become quite a responsible driver. One down, now three to go (teens!)!!! One thing I've realized is that I can't be their friend -- I have to be the parent, and sometimes that means being the bad guy. You just have to develop a tough skin, and realize that its okay for them to be mad at you. They get over it. Blessings to you today!
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/10/2008 11:20:27 PM
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iampiper13
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No advice to offer but maybe a little laughter, the same year when my son was old enough to start learning to drive, my youngest daughter (2.5 at the time)was getting her first power wheelchair I couldn't figure out which worried me the most, Just imagine a 2.5 yo child having almost 300lbs of power lol.
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Psalms 138:3 CEV When I asked for your help, you answered my prayer and gave me courage.
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/11/2008 9:14:53 AM
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zoebob
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I don't understand why everyone thinks teens need to drive or have the right to drive or have late curfews. Unless their are school or church events then need to be at teens should be home with their families. When did it become the norm that teens didn't spend their time at home. If you assume that teen will be at home by default they don't need to drive.
WHen I was growing up we drove for my parents convenience. IOW: I drove to work 2 days a week and to church youth group events (or other events my parents weren't attending). My mom worked at my school so she took us and we either waited for my brothers when they had practice or games or my dad picked them up.
I plan to do the same with my kids.
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/11/2008 12:27:37 PM
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Leslie_JnJs_mom
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
I don't understand why everyone thinks teens need to drive or have the right to drive or have late curfews. Unless their are school or church events then need to be at teens should be home with their families. When did it become the norm that teens didn't spend their time at home. If you assume that teen will be at home by default they don't need to drive.
WHen I was growing up we drove for my parents convenience. IOW: I drove to work 2 days a week and to church youth group events (or other events my parents weren't attending). My mom worked at my school so she took us and we either waited for my brothers when they had practice or games or my dad picked them up.
I plan to do the same with my kids.
OOOH I know what you mean there. I am constantly reminding Jack that a license does not mean he can come and go as he pleases. The latest he is allowed out is when the school does 5th quarter after a football game. That gets over at ll pm. Mostly he does church events. I personally think handing over the keys is just asking for a kid to get into trouble. He asked one time if he could go up to the town square. We live in a very small town and that is where the kids go to talk and "hang out." He had been so good so I let him go. We do not live in town so I went to pick him up. The battery on his cell phone died so I went up to a group of kids. I was actually worried Jack was them since one guy who I do not even know if he is a teenager anymore was either high or drunk told me Jack and the friend he was with left. Jack got on some other kids cell phone and called me to let me know some of the troublemakers showed up so he left. He was about a block away with members of the known good crowd. It is just so easy for kids to find trouble when there is not a parent to hold them accountable. Sadly some of the trouble makers are kids from parents who go to church. They do not supervise their kids but just let them go out without so much as a where are you going.
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<------- Jessica and I had so much fun with grandma!
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/12/2008 12:08:20 PM
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wearhisname
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Driving is like most other responsibilities in life. I see it as long as the child is make some contribution to the cost of driving, purchase of car, insurance, gas, then I believe that it can be a huge learning experience.
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/13/2008 11:39:57 AM
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IonMoon
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My ds has been driving around 1.5 years now. He is 19, so did get it late. But, we have never had any problems over driving. He knew when he got his permit that the rules as far as where he could go, when, and who he could be with had not changed and that he could lose the keys at any time (even with his own car!). He also knew it would add to his responsibilities and he has often been expected to do things like run errands for us, give rides to family members, etc.
He bartered a car from my dad (an old clunker) that he has worked off over the past year in gardening, repairs, etc.
I was worried, because he is a very distractable and impulsive kid and we have always had conflict over things... but we haven't over driving.
He has been very repsonsible and had only 1 minor fender bender (with me in the car). He often gives rides to his sister or my dh & I, offers to run errands to help us out, helps my dad/other extended family out quite a bit, is trusted by the parents of his friends to drive, etc.
Getting his license was a very good thing for him. He has gained a lot of confidence and independence, tempered with a sense of responsibility.
My dd is turning 17 Saturday and has had her permit almost 1 year. She will probably get her license (or try!) this month, but won't have access to a car as much as her brother has to drive independently anywhere. She is not really gung ho about it anyhow... she wants to do it so she can get it over with, etc. but she doesn't have the desire to drive on her own.
I know after I got my license, I rarely drove until I moved out at 18.
Tara P
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RE: Teens and driving - 10/14/2008 12:19:06 PM
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ffbruce
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Our "baby" is now 17, and about to get her license. Our grown sons both got their licenses right when they turned 16, but we lived in a smaller town then, and are now in a major city.
So... How did we curb our kids' driving? Mostly, we made them pay for their own gas. Also, we demanded accountability. We were not freakish about it, but we fully expected to know exactly where they were, what they were doing, and who they were hanging out with. We were also very clear about curfew (10:30 week nights and midnight on weekends - though we did make exceptions, if they were planned in advance).
I guess we've been blessed. We've really not had any significant problems with any of our kids - especially in regards to driving.
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